Gaslighting What is it?

Recognizing gaslighting in everyday conversations can be tricky, but there are some red flags to watch out for. Here are a few signs that will suggest gaslighting: Do you recognize yourself?

Recognizing Gaslighting in Everyday Conversations

Linked to the emotional unraveling in Book Three of My Knight, My Story, My Truth! and in Echoes From the Dark Clouds by Colette Merrill the truth goes beyond just the obvious. Raw, with no apologies.

 

Denial of Reality

When someone persistently denies conversations or events you clearly remember, it’s not just frustrating—it’s disorienting. Over time, it erodes your confidence in your own memory. You begin to second-guess the things you know you lived. It’s more than lying—it’s a rewriting of your truth, and it can leave you feeling isolated, unheard, and invisible.
I didn’t recognize this as anything serious at the time. I didn’t like that he was doing it—I just thought he was a liar. Actually, he was.

 

Changing the Subject

When every concern you raise gets brushed aside or redirected, that’s not just annoying—it’s a method of control.
This happened too. I didn’t like how he changed the subject, but at first, I just found it irritating. Eventually, I started to question myself.

 

Creating Doubt

Phrases like ‘Are you sure you remember that right?’ or ‘That never happened’ seem small—but they slowly dismantle your inner compass.
He’d tell me he never said something, and then give me a different version entirely. But I had diaries. I had written it all down. Still, he insisted I was wrong. Over time, I stopped confronting him. I kept my journals quiet. I started to believe him.

 

Undermining Your Trust in Others

A person who gaslights isolates you with phrases like, ‘They’re just jealous’ or ‘No one else understands us.’
One of his favorite lines was, ‘It’s you and me against the world.’ And I started to believe it. He twisted things until I did.

 

Making You Defend Yourself Constantly

When you’re always justifying your tone, your feelings, your memories—you’re not in a relationship. You’re on trial.
That’s how I felt around our conversations. Somehow, I was always wrong. I didn’t understand why he saw me that way—but eventually, I started to believe that too.

 

Excessive Criticism Disguised as Concern

There’s a difference between guidance and degradation. Constant criticism doesn’t refine you—it breaks you down.
This was another thing that wore me down. It’s amazing how an intelligent woman can fall into a trap like this—but these traps are crafted to catch us. That’s why the people who use them get taught by others like them. Because the tactics work. Every time.

 

How to Protect Your Light

This isn’t just a list of red flags—it’s a mirror. A lifeline. A soft voice in the dark reminding you of what’s true.
These are the things I learned—some the hard way. I had one foot out the door my whole life, PF Flyers tied tight since childhood. Running was always my way out. This time, it took longer. But I still ran—eventually, I ran toward the truth.

 

Recognize the Signs

Notice the patterns. If your truth is being twisted, it’s not love—it’s control.
I wish I’d known this earlier. It was an expensive lesson. A $30K lesson.

Trust Your Feelings

If something feels off, it probably is.
Even when I knew something wasn’t right, I’d already been rewired. The leaving and returning became a loop. There were consequences. But I kept hoping for change.

 

Keep a Journal

A journal can keep you grounded when the world feels bent around you.
I’ve kept journals most of my life. That’s how I knew he was lying. But instead of walking away, I stayed—wanting to know who he really was. By then, I was trauma bonded.

 

Seek Support

Speak it out loud.
I had one friend who never left me. She listened. She was careful with her words. She warned me—gently—that I was being manipulated. But I couldn’t see it. Not then.

 

Set Boundaries

Say no. Say stop. Say I will not let you treat me this way.
I tried. But he was stronger than me then. He had control over me for years. I thought it was love. It wasn’t. It was trauma.

 

Challenge the Narrative

Don’t let someone else rewrite your reality.
I tried to confront him. But fear kept me quiet—fear that if I stood up, he’d leave. And that fear… was stronger than the truth.

 

Limit Contact

Space brings clarity.
I kept leaving—six times in total. And even after, I sent emails. I needed closure. Then one day, I saw something I wasn’t meant to see. That was it. The truth hit me like a hammer. And I accepted it.

 

Invest in Self-Care

Return to what heals you.
My friends didn’t know what had happened—I had vanished. But when I returned, they welcomed me. They were glad to have me back.

 

Consider Professional Support

A good therapist can change your life.
If only I’d still been seeing Pat. Maybe I would’ve spared myself some pain. Some time. Some money.

 

Make an Exit Plan if Needed

You are allowed to leave. You are allowed to live.
And I finally did.

 

Final Note

Breaking free from gaslighting isn’t just an escape—it’s a reclamation. A return to your own voice. Be patient with yourself. Healing comes in fragments. But each piece you reclaim is sacred. And every step is forward.

In Book Three, I finally began to name what was happening to me. I didn’t see it at first. I wanted to believe the best in him. But slowly, painfully, I came to understand:

What I called love was trauma bonding.
What I called protection was manipulation.
What I thought was connection… was control.

This wasn’t my fault.
But it was my time to be free.

You are not crazy.
You are not weak.
You are waking up.
And your voice matters.

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